Identity Erosion is a Subtle Process Driven by the Cumulative Impact of Our Daily Choices
The Show Up Paradox that we are living with right now is where we need to be seen and form meaningful connections more than ever at a time when we have never been more invisible.
It is not just external factors such as distraction and diluted attention that contribute to this; the choices we make, whether consciously or subconsciously, can gradually alter how others perceive us and even affect our own self-perception.
Consider where you seek to belong—perhaps within a work team, a significant role, a social circle, or a cause close to your heart. These affiliations often prompt subtle adjustments in our behaviour as we strive to fit in.
But at what cost?
Yet, how often do we stop and reflect: what are we sacrificing to conform? What aspects of ourselves do we overlook, suppress, or conceal to avoid potential judgment or rejection?
The innate human need for belonging exerts a powerful influence, often compelling us to prioritise fitting in over standing out or expressing our true selves by speaking up. Factors like our past experiences, cultural background, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or unique interests may feel that they put acceptance at risk, leading us to adopt coping mechanisms such as compartmentalisation or concealment.
Over time, these strategies can erode our true and core identity. This might result in constructing a superficial persona or a manufactured personal brand, and it can extend to becoming defined by a specific title or role. This phenomenon, known as ‘enmeshment’ in organisational psychology, refers to when we blur the lines between our true selves and our professional identity, leading to a state where we become inseparable from our roles.
The subtle erosion
While initially, being defined by a title may seem harmless, it ultimately strips us of agency over our own identity. When these external identifiers are lost or taken away, the repercussions can be profound, leaving us feeling adrift and disconnected from our true selves. Having our identity defined in this way can also make it incredibly hard to transition out of these roles because it feels like we are giving up who we are in pursuit of something or someone we are not.
Identity erosion is a subtle process driven by the cumulative impact of our daily choices. Over time, it clouds our understanding of who we truly are and hampers our ability to forge meaningful connections.
Showing up on purpose
In today's world, reclaiming control over how we show up is more challenging and more crucial than ever. This means we have to focus on consciously showing up on purpose, and this starts by noticing:
What behaviours do we adopt to fit in?
Do these behaviours align with our values and benefit both ourselves and those around us, now and in the future?
What are we shielding ourselves from?
By reflecting on this, we empower ourselves to experiment with how we show up in various contexts. This introspection also reveals areas where further reflection is needed, allowing us to cultivate a genuine sense of belonging grounded in true self-expression and meaningful connection.
Beyond what we see
So, what does the opening photo have to do with all of this? It captures a moment from the Sydney Mardi Gras a few years back, with me riding with my friend Greg on the back of my bike in front of several hundred thousand people.
I wasn’t always this open about my sexuality, so this is a powerful moment, but that isn’t what makes this image truly meaningful; it is the story behind it that matters more. It was taken by a team member in the crowd at the time, unbeknownst to me. The first time I laid eyes on it was during Monday morning's All Hands meeting. They spoke about how proud they felt to see their boss embracing who they were without reservation, how much it meant to them, and their own journey of acceptance. I was profoundly moved by the impact of me showing up in that moment, the impact of the times that I hadn’t in the past, and the ripples that extend way beyond what we see and feel in the moment. Standing out and letting more of me out was in service of me and those around me, and that’s the point.
This newsletter will explore what it takes to actively shape our presence, the challenges of fitting in, standing out, and speaking up, and why this is critical to the skills needed for the future of work. If that resonates, hit subscribe so that this newsletter and these insights land in your feed as soon as they are published.
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